quick catch up

Its new years day 2012, lying in bed with the laptop, cup of tea. Todd, my wee dog, my companion, love of my life passed away into Rainbow Bridge in October 2011. I miss him so much, unbelievably much. He greeted me coming home from work every day with nothing but love and licks. To come home now hurts as I dont see his wee face at the window looking for his dad. God speed my wee lad, I miss you so much but i know you arent in pain anymore, see you soon.

light and blessings...along with some tears

Stuey

xxx

oh its been too long!

Yep, back, after a long time. Happy New Year to y'all :) more to follow....so much news to tell!

Light and Blessings

Stuey

xxx

erm....bizarre

I have just read something on the bbc.co.uk news website, with regards to an old muslim man in Nigera, who has 86 wives, yes dear readers you read correctly, 86 count em, not one not two but 86. Being a Theology graduate i had the luck to study world religions, including Islam. Yes it is true it does state in the Qu'ran that a man can have 4 wives and does not indicate a punishment for him if he has more. And yet they will kill a man for being gay...and a woman cannot have more than one husband. Im sorry, when did the human race go completely nuts? Oh im angry, i shouldnt get angry as i dont live there and am thankful that i can be honest to myself. But, jeez-louise that is the most mysogynistic thing ive heard of!!!! im off to make Nasi Goreng im that cheesed off
Light and Blessings
stuey
xxx

im baccccckkk!

Oh tis been a while since ive been on (no internet at home for a while, as i was finishing my degree in uni and money was a tad bit tight!) ah now to re commence the rants lol! Well, here in the North of Ireland we have had some odd, wierd, and downright pathetic bile spouted by one Iris Robinson (she who is nicknamed Cruella de Ville by some) married to Peter Robinson the first minister of the NI assembly, of the infamous DUP political party (those who hate everything that isnt white, heterosexual and protestant) think the national socialists of German early 20th century and you get the idea. Well she has been on the radio and in the house of commons calling homosexuality vile, wicked, sick, an abomination and likening it to paedophilia - erm i beg your pardon bitch, HOW DARE YOU! you skinny, jumped up little psycho who, im guessing at this one, has targeted the gay community with her violent outbursts due to being spurned by a gay man she was after when she was younger. You F**KING uninformed cow, you spout that one verse from Leviticus re: men lying with men as with women, when, if you actually read the entire book and adhered to everything and not just the stuff you bigoted dipshits like, you would realise that you as a women cannot have a position of power, you cannot wear trouser suits like a man, you cannot plaster your face with make up like a prostitute (she has a scrawny chicken neck, but that bake - northern irish for face - looks like it has had some 'work' done - taking too much pride in your appearance - oh yeah, pride is the worst thing that Jesus Christ preached against, though you as a 'Christian' Iris prefer to be proud of yourself, and spout evil hate filled bile) you cannot eat shell fish (abomination) oh and the Bible does not actually have a word for homosexuality. the translation from the ancient Hebrew means a temple prostitute (male) who would have ritual sex, also the word abominiation does not actually occur here, it is with reference to the pagan rituals within its religion, so 'ya boo sucks to you'. See i knew that doing a degree in Theology would pay off. Christ Himself never said anything about gay men and women, one quote He did say which stands out is 'Love one another as I have loved you'. Ok, Love is the most important thing here, does it sound like Iris loves gay people - oh she spout the usual shit 'i love the person, not the sin' so do i love Iris but hate her vile sins of pride and incitement of hatred? I guess i have to, and actually feel sorry for her, and i know i called her a bitch and an effing cow, but she angered me a lot. If she took the time to do her research properly, she would know that child abuse occurs (a) within a family and (b) 95% of child abusers are heterosexual.....do your homework Iris before you start using the gay community as a scapegoat for all of socials ills, you cannot use the black community, or ethnic minorities of Jewish community for your fascist hatred, so this is the last thing you have, even so it is illegal to spout this type of bigotry and you need to face up to the consequences for your tirade of lies and bullshit. Just because your husband is the first minister does not give you the right to say whatever you want. And do not hide behind the banner of 'im standing up for the Christian Faith which has been attacked for so long' no it has not, stop talking crap you silly silly woman! If Christ Himself came down right now, i think he may have something to say to you (i hope!)
I have faith, its a spiritual faith, ive studied religions of across the world, and they are all interesting, humans are an amazing species, having faith in a perfectly rational preternatural power, it binds communities together, and yes i know tears them apart at the same time, the never ending paradox (ok im starting to sound like Dr Who, but it is saturday afternoon, very warm here in the north of Ireland and im vegged here on the couch typing this, watching some Ab Fab and having a glass of wine - i know i know fulfil the gay stereotype!!)
Hope y'all have a fantastic weekend, and blessings and light to you, your family (inc friends in there!) and hope for peace.
love
stuey
xxx

human, definately human

God i can fuck up majorly sometimes, not that i mean it, its not a vindictive thing at all, its not an act of ingratitude. Yes, i realise how imperfect i am and have taken steps to admit it and get on with figuring out what to do. But in the meantime, ive hurt, and im so sorry for it, i reacted to a situation in an immature manner, one for which i feel so ashamed. Heard a pretty good quote today, and its so true:

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body , but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming Wow what a ride!!!

Hope y'all have a great New Year, love and blessings
stuey
xxx

Heavy on my heart

Its the thoughts or memories sometimes crop up. You think you'll be fine for a little while, then every breath and heartbeat brings a deeper sigh. Had a share of pleasure and tasted pain, we're human, its what we go through. Then theres a moment i think of him, remember him, his touch, his breath on my neck, skin, how his hands feel. How his eyes look at me, that slight smile, his laugh. How he sat beside on the couch, and felt his heat next to mine. worlds seemed to fall away. Everything, everyway we felt, touched, so known, nothing was a mystery, the jigsaw fell back into place. The room is a vaccuum without him, my thoughts echo in the emptiness, calling crying, my soul howls, the pain is private, the tears i hide. This would either scare him to reveal how i felt, or make him think. I dont know, god i feel so lost at times, so apart at times. It takes all my strength to get up in the morning, pull on a smile, clothes, and know hes not here. To physically go on, where id rather disappear to the lakeside and sit there. Then id be the mystery, lost, lost in my own world and thoughts. Sit there and wait for him to come. But i know thats selfish. I can admit my feelings upfront, and just be a man about it. What would it do? 'falling through space, and the angels dont help you, as they've all gone away' til that one angel whos face i know, catches, holds, flies. And rest within, him, me, the sun can rise once more.

Its Christmas

I sat in class this morning and stared out the window, still listening to the lecturer. I could see a beggar sitting far on the opposite side of the street, people walking by him, in suits, expensive suits. Those having winter graduation also walking past in their gowns, oblivious to his plight. Perhaps they didnt see him, why should they? they are excited and their parents proud of them on this day. I had to keep looking, i could see hope and pain in one form. He became the embodiment for Christmas for me right there and then. Where was the person to take him by the hand, clean up, and give him a hot meal? some people gave him money ( i counted 2). I had 40p in my pocket, I should have given him that. Some might say 'oh he'll just spend it on alcohol' maybe he will, maybe he wont. There are those who will say why doesnt he get a job. If he doesnt have a home, he cannot get a job.
I look at this world, am marvelled by the technological advances that we as a species have made, rocket ships into the vast universe, yet undiscovered, being able to talk via video and voice to countries thousands of miles away, and yet we have homeless, poverty, starvation, people living in a 'developed' country barely making ends meet. Where have we gone wrong, so blinded by our own scientific brilliance, our philosophical thoughts, sometimes i have to pinch myself to remind myself of how beautiful this world is, the most simple things, those that i am grateful for. And yet i feel pain that i cannot do enough to help, to save, maybe my brain is just tired and listening to Philip Glass doesnt help with the thoughts that rush through my synapses. THe lecture was on death and resurrection. Life after death, heaven and hell. THere came the old quotes of 'i've been taught to be good or else il go to hell', coming from an adult, that just seems too wierd and outdated, personally speaking. the threat of something so abhorrent and vile happening to someone, because they chose their own path in life, they did as much good as they could, but due to them not going to church every sunday, they will suffer for eternity. im not sure, no one can be completely certain, perhaps my dreams will help give me an answer. Not like last nights dream, a handsome guy with a really cute ass (il give you 2 guesses to who - you know who you are!!!) right, enough of that, its sleep time, i love dreaming.
night night, and il talk more before Christmas.
love and blessings
Stuart
xxx