Heavy on my heart

Its the thoughts or memories sometimes crop up. You think you'll be fine for a little while, then every breath and heartbeat brings a deeper sigh. Had a share of pleasure and tasted pain, we're human, its what we go through. Then theres a moment i think of him, remember him, his touch, his breath on my neck, skin, how his hands feel. How his eyes look at me, that slight smile, his laugh. How he sat beside on the couch, and felt his heat next to mine. worlds seemed to fall away. Everything, everyway we felt, touched, so known, nothing was a mystery, the jigsaw fell back into place. The room is a vaccuum without him, my thoughts echo in the emptiness, calling crying, my soul howls, the pain is private, the tears i hide. This would either scare him to reveal how i felt, or make him think. I dont know, god i feel so lost at times, so apart at times. It takes all my strength to get up in the morning, pull on a smile, clothes, and know hes not here. To physically go on, where id rather disappear to the lakeside and sit there. Then id be the mystery, lost, lost in my own world and thoughts. Sit there and wait for him to come. But i know thats selfish. I can admit my feelings upfront, and just be a man about it. What would it do? 'falling through space, and the angels dont help you, as they've all gone away' til that one angel whos face i know, catches, holds, flies. And rest within, him, me, the sun can rise once more.